The 3 P’s for Behavior Change
Prompt. Praise. Prize.
The 3 P’s, a simple way to remember how to shape a behavior using positive reinforcement strategies.
Positive reinforcement is one of four methods discussed in Behavioral Psychologist B.F. Skinner’s Operant Conditioning Model, which essentially set the bar for understanding and regulating learned behaviors. In brief, positive reinforcement is introducing a desirable stimulus to encourage certain behavior. The desirable stimulus can be any of the following:
providing a tangible prize or reward
earning points or stars
giving praise, encouragement, or other verbal markers of approval and accolades
Multiple research studies demonstrate how positive reinforcement is a more effective behavior modification tool than both negative reinforcement (removing an aversive stimulus – e.g., scolding), and positive or negative punishments (adding a negative consequence – e.g., time out, or taking away a desired activity or privilege – e.g., no phone access). Many of these studies show that positive reinforcement helps to shape behaviors in multiple settings (e.g., school, home) and over longer periods of time (even after the reinforcers are no longer supplied!).
What this means: Praise & rewards are more effective tools for shaping kiddos behaviors than traditional punishments or negative reinforcement. No, this doesn’t mean you’re consequence free as you parent your kiddo from toddler to teen, but it does mean we should pay attention to the ratio of praise to scolds and rewards to punishments, and lean heavy on the former rather than the latter. (Edit: to be super duper clear… we should have WAY MORE – say, 3-5x as many – praise and rewards to scolds and punishments!)
How to make it happen: Praise and rewards does not mean you give endless praise about your child being perfect and infallible, or that we avoid giving constructive feedback or using teaching moments to build up their psyche. (Honestly, effusive praise and unearned rewards may actually hurt kiddos and teens more in the long run because it will be a jolting wake-up call the first time they turn in a lackluster paper on their own at college, or when they show up 10 minutes late to work and get written up by their boss..) And, it most certainly does not mean that you have to go bankrupt to change your kiddo’s behaviors. It just means we get creative! For rewards – What does your kiddo really like? What motivates them? Are there some activities (e.g., going to the park), things around the house (e.g., iPad time), or special privileges (e.g., getting to stay up 30 minutes later on weekends) that you can use as rewards? For praise – Often this is even more effective than tangible prizes in shaping behavior in the long-term. Just remember it needs to be: SPECIFIC (e.g., label the behavior or trait you see and appreciate), IMMEDIATE (e.g., in-the-moment, or just following the behavior is prime time), and AUTHENTIC (e.g., honest and true) for it to be effective. While prizes may be the initial motivation for your kiddo to get started, praise and accolades is better suited to help extend and maintain a learned behavior. Think about your own experience building a new habit – giving yourself a pumpkin spice latte after hitting the gym (oh, how I miss the pre-COVID days of getting out and about for work-outs and coffee!) might get you there the first couple of days, but the lasting behavior change comes from hearing how great you’re looking from a friend, or seeing your own progress as the workouts get easier. Kiddos aren’t much different in this sense – the dollar-store-prize is SUPER motivating at first, but the behavior sticks when they hear how great they’re doing from you, or when they start to feel accomplished from all the hard work!
Why it matters: Because shaping your kiddo into the tiny human you know they can be is far and away your #1 goal and priority as a parent or important adult in a kiddo’s life. And, I know – it’s tough as nails out there sometimes, and we’re often zeroed-in on where we missed the mark at the end of the day, but this is your reminder to step up the self-care, and remember to do unto yourself as you would do unto others – a.k.a. it’s high time to get your self-praise and self-prize going and throw out a little “Yea, yea, I’m parenting my butt off this week – great work Linda!” and eat a little “I’m killing the parent game!” decadent dessert! #TerribleTwosday #ToddlerTipsandTricks
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